I'm not gonna hear you shout
by redblacklister
Summary: He was not going to stay there and hear her calling him all the names, saying how horrible he is for saving her life. He was not going to let her unload all her frustrations on him. Not this time. Lizzington. One shot.
1. I'm not gonna hear you shout

I'm not gonna hear you shout

Disclaimer: Own nothing. Making no profit.

She knocked on the door and waited. Impatiently she knocked again and immediately Dembe opened the door with a polite smile. "Miss Keen, come in." Liz did as the bodyguard said before the door was shut behind her.

"I need to talk with Reddington." she informed.

"He's down the wall. Living room." Liz smiled her thanks and went to find the man with who she intends to have a long talk.

Red was exactly where she was told he would be. He was sitting in a leather seat reading a book in the dark living room. The only light illuminating the room was a lamp in a coffee table near the seat. The tie was gone, so as the jacket and vest. He had his sleeves rolled up and the first three buttons of his shirt were undone, revealing some of his chest hair. He looked tired. Exhausted was the word. To be honest he wasn't the only one. Liz looked like hell as Red would say. The dark circles under her eyes were huge, her hair was a mess, her clothes dirt from the events of the day, her body aches. All she wanted to do was to have a hot and relaxing shower, go to bed and sleep peacefully, dreamless, but the conversation she wanted to have with the man sitting in that dark room was too important to be left for another day. It had to be done.

She may had been there thinking for too long because Red was looking at her a little confused. "Lizzie, for what do I have the pleasure?" he asked her smilling. She sat down in the couch in front of him. It was hard to move, it was like she was carrying the whole world in her hands.

"Red, we need to talk." His expression hardened, the smile vanished. Liz didn't know how to start. After that day, after Red saving her again, she had been thinking. All the words left unspoken would gain voice in that cold night. "About today... You didn't-"

"If you're here to start an argument, you can leave." He interrupted her in middle sentence.

"Red, I'm not here-" she tried to explain herself but was once again interrupted.

"Yes you are." Red smiled in a sarcastic way.

Liz frustrated rose up from the couch and raised her voice. "I was just trying to have a normal conversation but with you it seems to be impossible!"

She didn't know what was happening. She didn't know what had happened. Red had never reacted this way towards her. He always tried to be understanding, and when he doesn't is because he has a good reason to. He always forgives her for all the mess she does. He's always there to listen, to comfort her if necessary, or just to take all the faults and judgements even if they are wrong.

Red stood up as well. He was not going to stay there and hear her calling him all the names, saying how horrible he is for saving her life. For God's sake, it doesn't even makes sense. He saves her life, putting himself in danger, and the only bad thing there, isn't really a bad thing; killing someone who threatened her security. He was not going to let her unload all her frustrations on him. Not this time. Not on that cold night.

"It not always about you, Elizabeth." He said, hurting her. "It's not just always about how you feel." He raised his voice. "I'm not going to hear you calling me a monster. I got that point!"

"Red..." Liz tried to reach him but to no avail.

"I use to just sit down and listen. To let you kill me inside. I use to hear you scream, just for you to feel happy, but you never care about my happiness, do you?"

He was being unfair and she can't believe. No she can't believe. She starts to wonder why she came.

"That's not true." She said, her voice low. A knot on her throat keeping her for saying any other words. They seem to somehow have switched sides. She wants to run. She wants to hide in some tiny hole in the wooden floor. She can't profile him. She doesn't want to. She is afraid and she is afraid to admit it. She wants to leave, but she is not that weak, is she? She never thought this would ever happen, but there's a limit to everything. For some time she was in slow motion. She watched as he lips moved, telling her something, but she couldn't hear. She felt like she had been in a rope a thousand feet from the floor and now she free falling, as slowing as the water turns into ice.

"You know the reason I never try to make it right, Elizabeth? Why I never go running after you?" he asked while she slowing sat down on the couch. Her skin was red raw. She has never seen in so angry at him. "For three reasons. First, I know you will forgive me for something I haven't done, because I know you can't imagine loosing me, even in your angrier moments, even when you want to hate me."

The truth she had tried to ignore came out of his mouth. He was more calm now, is voice return to it's normal tone and a little smirk was visible on his face.

He then continued. "Because every single time I try to talk, my tongue doesn't seem to cooperate, I have a knot in my throat as if someone stabbed a pen in my carotid." He laughed at that and Liz stood up without noticing. "and a I have a sinking feeling in my stomach. And because I have to try hard not to tell the truth. Because I never lie to you, Elizabeth. And the truth is that I love you, Lizzie."

The world Liz was holding in her hands fell to the floor and it broke apart. Tears formed in her eyes. "I love you with all my being."

Liz urged out the room and left the room. She ran out to the street outside and sat in her car. Head in the wheel.

What the hell just happened there. She doesn't even know why she ran. She loves him even if she doesn't admit it. She loves and cares deeply for him, and he knows it.

He had been rejected by Liz. His Lizzie rejected him. Oh my stars, he never expected that. He never expected that and it hit him like a train in track.

What have he done? Oh, what have he done, and what will he do now? Tears ran freely down his face when he was left alone to lick his wound that he had done to himself. It was all his fault this time.

She was still crying. She was still in her car, still in front of is current safe house. Whatever happened there was her fault. She knows that.

But why did she came there? She could've go home. But she wanted to tell him she was sorry for all the time she shout with him. All the time she was unfair. She wanted to thank him for saving her. She wanted to tell him how much she cares. How much he means to her.

She just wanted to save one life: hers. And now it's destroyed, because of her selfishness.

Who's gonna save them now, if the aren't capable of doing so? They don't remember how to save a life. They just wonder who is going to save the world in that cold night.


	2. I'm not gonna see you cry

I'm not gonna see you cry

A/N: It was supposed to be a One-shot but I was requested to continue so this is it, the chapter 2.

She sat on the car. Head against the headrest, hands on her lap, tears on her face. Her heart beated steadily as leaves danced in the trees with the chilling wind.

The night was darker than before, the moon paler. The clouds, full of rain, had decided to start crying. The rain in the beginning was gentle, but as the minutes passed it begun to be heavier, and then, the sky sobbed with thunders.

It was raining and there was thunders. The weather suited the mood. So cliché. So convenient. So unnecessary.

Cars passed by. People hurried in their shoes to escape from the rain. The only light to illuminate the road was weak and unsteady. It was shaking, as it was afraid, as it was nervous.

Liz was still in the same position. No tears now, but a trail of salt down her soft cheeks. Her arms were numb. Her legs were weak. Metal taste of blood in her mouth. She looked at Red's house. No movement. The same lights were on. Nothing changed.

Maybe she was still inside. Maybe he is still screaming at her. Or maybe he is still confessing his love to her. Or perhaps nothing of that happened. Perhaps it was just imagination. Perhaps he was still quietly reading his book and she had never put a foot in that house.

She finally moved. She turned the car's engine on and pulled the car to the road.

She drove pass one road. Then another. The first four roads were familiar, it was the way she had done to the cold and dark house. But instead of turning right, as she was supposed to, she turned left, into a strange, unfamiliar, long road.

She had been driving in that road for so, oh so long. It was as long as it was of dark. It looked endless. Maybe it was just on her head.

Liz felt the car slowing. This time it wasn't on her head, it was really slowing down. She looked to the fuel gauge. Yes, it was empty. She used the fuel that left to park her Mercedes.

She leaned her head in the wheel and stayed like that for some moments while the heavy rain hitted the car's roof. She left the car. The wet road was colder, the wind was stronger.

Liz walked the empty road not caring about the puddles. She heard the dogs howling and loud rock music but what stood out was the sound of her steps echoing in the alleys. She was beginning to get all wet but she didn't hurried her steps as the other people did, she just continued to walk in her slow pace.

She finally managed to get out of the long road, but as before, she didn't turned to where she should if she wanted to go to her motel room, because she didn't want to go to that uncomfortable hotel, she had a different goal in her mind.

She walked. Her heartbeat as a song on her ears. Some people walked pass her, with their serious face to chase love away. A homeless. A dead bird. She saw those three things before she got there. Before she got to Red's house. Where it all began. Where it all was supposed to be fine but had a horrible end. But maybe it wasn't the end. She was not giving up so easily.

The lights were all off now. No movement on the house. All silent. She sat on the steps not caring about getting wet. She wanted to knock on the door but she had decided it wouldn't be a good idea. She just sat there and waited. Waited for something she didn't knew she was waiting, waiting for something she didn't know would happen. She just waited for something. Maybe a miracle. Maybe a disaster.

Out of nowhere she heard a cat meowing. She looked around and saw nothing but a neighbor unlocking his house's door. The cat finally made its appearance in front of Liz. It was black, green eyed.

"Hello dearie." Liz said while she caressed its head. It purred and laid down next to her.

It didn't rain there. There was some kind of roof protecting the steps. But she was wet anyway. She leaned her head to the door and watch the moon which was covered with clouds. Slowly they walked in the sky and slowly the rain became gentler.

The door opened and Red's bodyguard appeared behind it. "Miss Keen?"

"Ran out of gas." she simply informed still sitting.

"I can drive you home."

"I need to speak to him." she said slowly stooding up. The cat meowed but continued laid.

"I don't think it'll be a good idea." Dembe said. "Last time you said that, only an hour ago, you teared Raymond apart"

"Please." Liz softly insisted. "Let me make this right."

Dembe stepped aside, without a word, to let Liz enter before grabbing the homeless kitten and disappearing with it to the kitchen.

This time Dembe didn't indicated Red's whereabouts so Liz had to find out by herself. She searched for him in the living room, but he wasn't there. He definitely wasn't in the room to where Dembe disappeared with the black cat, so she searched in what seemed to be an office. Nothing. He could only be upstairs.

She walked up the woody stairs. Up the stairs were four doors. All closed expect one. One door was barely opened and from there came a ray of light. She carefully opened the door to find Red sitting in the edge of a king size bed, with his elbows in his knees and his head in his hands.

Liz aproached slowly, carefully to make any sound. But he acknowledge her presence. "Elizabeth, you should go." He said without raising his head, without looking at her.

"I don't think I should." Liz said gaining confidence. He didn't moved. Not even an inch. "I'm here to telling you all I need to say." She walked until she was facing him . Well, not really facing him because he wasn't looking up. She crouched, so she was at his level, and placed her hand on his knee. "Red?" she softly spoke trying to get him to look at her, but it didn't work, so she tried something else. She caressed gently his knee. "Ray..." Liz whispered and at that he looked into her eyes. His blue-green eyes were red, the black circles under his eyes were darker, he looked a mess.

She was shocked. Liz never thought she would see Raymond Reddington crying, specially because she had rejected him. First of all she never thought he would have feelings for her, that was what made her leave in the first place. It looked like they had switched places once again. She had a knot on her throat. She never meant to do this to him. She couldn't see him cry. It was too much.

"Oh god, Red!" she exclaimed throwing her arms around his neck pulling him into a hug. "I'm so sorry!"

All she could smell was his scent. All she could hear was his breathing. All she could feel was his hand tugging her hair.

"Lizzie..." they ended the hug. She looked deep in his eyes. She saw confusion and sadness.

"I don't think you are a monster. And thank you for saving me once again." He raised his eyebrow while a little smirk was forming in his face. "And I don't hate you because..." she trailed off and an adorable smile came across her face while she slowly closed her eyes and let her head fall before looking up again. "Every single time I try to hate you I can't. Every single time I try to hate you I find myself loving you more. " Red placed his hand on her cheek before she spoke "I figured that you are not made of steel, you are just bones and flesh too. You make mistakes, and that's normal, because you are just a human." It looked like he had tears on his eyes, but she wasn't sure. "I don't know why in the hell I ran." she admitted shaking her head and looking up at the ceiling with a mix of a sad and a happy smile, her eyes wet. "Because I love you too Red."

Before she knowing their lips collapsed and she sat on his lap to get a better angle of the kiss. They parted only when their lungs burned from the lack of oxygen. They looked intensely into each other eyes, breathless. Smile upon their faces.

"It was just me or I heard a cat meowing?" Red asked smiling and Liz couldn't help but laugh.

"Yes, a cat just appeared and Dembe took it inside."

Red kissed her once again before stading. "How does it look like?"

"Black with green eyes."

"I need to see that."

Liz laughed again and Red clapped their hands together before living the barely illuminated bedroom.


End file.
